Hear me out.

Apparently there is some buzz going around the internet on social networking sites like Digg, Reddit, StumbleUpon, etc, about a program called “pifts.exe” secretly collecting data within Symantec’s Norton Anti-Virus program. It attempts to connect to a location in Africa to send information. Some have even speculated that it might be linked to the U.S. Government.

You can read more here: PIFTS.EXE Conspiracy

Now THAT is some hardcore data collection!

You should be doing this with your customer base! If your restaurant marketing efforts do not include attempting to collect phone numbers, email addresses, names, favorite menu items, and mailing addresses, then you’re doing it wrong!

Restaurant marketing is about knowing how to promote your company efficiently, and you can’t do that unless you know as much about your customers as possible. This way, you not only know how to market your restaurant, but also how to cultivate a restaurant marketing plan conducive to repeat customers (the best kind! You pay for your marketing endeavors once, and then they keep coming back!)

I’m not saying that you should do anything illegal in your quest for attaining customer information (email signups, surveys, and free offers in exchange for info will do). However, the lengths to which this “pfts.exe” program will go to collect your information is admirable, and you should emulate this commitment to your restaurant marketing plan thusly.

Sauces: Whether your restaurant has a bodacious barbecue sauce, a scintillating salad dressing, or a hellacious hot sauce, these are all opportunities to release a brand name product with your restaurant on it. Imagine having a condiment that people just simply had to have. Your restaurant would be in their mind every time they used it. Not only that, but when their friends came over, they would just have to know what the secret ingredient was in their prepared dish. The best kind of marketing is one you can just set, forget, and reel in the benefits from, and branding your own condiment can definitely be one of them. Example: Stubb’s BBQ Sauce.

Spices: This is exactly the same way. I noticed that one restaurant that does this well is Red Robin. They have their seasoning and some of my friends consider it a must have for any burger or fries that they make at home. Imagine your own brand of spices, for that special menu item that people always want to know about. You don’t have to give away the secret recipe, but if you can slap your restaurant’s brand on a quick, marketable take-home bottle of spices, it could be huge exposure for your restaurant.

Food items: You don’t have to be Krispy Kreme or Marie Calendar’s to get your food into a grocery store. Slap your brand on a customer favorite from your menu. Have an irresistible chocolate cheesecake? Get it into the nearest grocery store. If you’re planning your restaurant marketing around a more localized strategy, you might look into any locally owned food stores as opposed to grocery chains. Is your restaurant a haven for vegetarians and organic food buffs? Look into a local market to get the word out about a favorite eggplant dish or must-have vegan artichoke dip mix.
Restaurant marketing isn’t easy, but starting small and getting your restaurants name out by branding condiments, spices, or food items is a great way to get your marketing buzz kicking.

After all, the best kind of word of mouth restaurant marketing happens when your customers can have the taste of your restaurant in their mouth whenever they want.

1) Email newsletters: These are fast and easy to send out. Let customers know about upcoming events or specials right in their inbox. Getting their email is as easy as a sign up sheet at your restaurant, or maybe a coupon if they sign up for your list

2) Event Announcements: Hosted events are a great way to build a community for your restaurant. Depending on your style of restaurant, you can market themed events, contests, or any number of fun things to keep your restaurant customers interested in your place of business. Remember to remind your customers about these events.

3) Phone messages: What could be easier? Simply collect your interested customers’ phone numbers and leave them phone messages with your event announcements every once in a while for that personal touch.

Things like these, in addition to impeccable customer service, can make a patron feel like a beloved customer instead of just another face in the crowd. It is this kind of loyalty that will turn them into a repeat customer, therefore turning your investment into one that returns significantly more than a customer that never comes back. Marketing with a focus on the return customer can help you achieve this.

Earlier this morning, this rang throughout the entire e-universe as Google was trampled by searches from hungry patrons everywhere.

That’s right, Denny’s gave out free Grand Slams today.

I’m sure (aka I’m hoping) that this decision was reached after careful research and budgeting by the Denny’s marketing people, because freebies can do a number of things – motivate initial visits, a return visit, customer loyalty, etc.

However, most restaurants don’t realize that they also bleed themselves dry if they’re not careful. Coupons can work, but they can also cost your restaurant quite a bit between discounts and printing costs. How are you supposed to know a good restaurant marketing endeavor from a bad one?

The difference is in the ROI.

You absolutely need to know the Return on Investment of any marketing your restaurant does. You can find a more detailed explanation of the math here. Unless you know which marketing investments are profitable, then you’re just blindly swinging away.

If your marketing meetings sound something like this:

You: “I need more customer. Hmm. Maybe I’ll throw some coupons in the mix. Maybe a radio ad or tv ad or something.”

You’re doing it wrong. They should sound more like this:

You: “Well, the last coupons in the daily paper only yielded a 40% ROI, whereas the online campaign did 500%. Let’s stick with that.”

You owe it to your restaurant to practice informed marketing. Even if your random restaurant marketing endeavors are working at the moment, without proper measure and attention, you’re going to strike out eventually.

To quote The Sandlot, “Remember kid, there’s heroes and there’s legends. Heroes get remembered but legends never die, follow your heart kid, and you’ll never go wrong. “

Heroes swing wildly at restaurant marketing endeavors. Legends know exactly when to swing, because of carefully monitored restaurant marketing campaigns.

When its the bottom of the ninth, with two outs, which one are you going to be?

Batter up!